Personal Reflection: Handling Life Like a Jedi
Original journal entry from July 9, 2025 – A personal reflection I first shared on Discord and added to my journal (the added youtube video is called "My Provider" from Prayer Room by Legacy Nashville). This was a meditation on life’s fragility after a major health scare, choosing to leave love and positive impact behind, and the decision to write devotionals that could touch lives long after I’m gone.
It’ll be nearly 3 years ago now since I spent the better half of my day at the ER as they found a foot long blood clot in my left femoral artery. The pain went away pretty quickly after they got me on an anticoagulant which dissolved the clot but in a follow up visit they additionally found that I have a hereditary clotting disorder which means I’ll have to stay on the anticoagulant for the rest of my life. Being hit with that news changed my perspective on a few things.
One of those things is having the thought that life is short and unpredictable. Is my physical body a ticking time bomb? I could be here today and gone tomorrow. But hasn’t life always been that way? What makes it any different now? This awareness got me thinking about what will be left behind of me when I’m gone. What will my loved ones find when they go through my stuff and decide what to keep and to get rid of? What will they say at my funeral? Who will even show up? I was briefly tempted to just give up and say, screw it! Live it up while it lasts! Go out with a bang! But I pretty quickly came to my senses and realized that what I really want is for my life to have had a positive impact on as many people’s lives as possible.
The people closest to me need to know how much I loved and cared about them. What is my life’s message? So I started writing. With however much time I have left, I want to leave something behind that lives on long after I’m gone, not only in the hearts and minds of others but also something tangible that anyone can pick up and understand.
Right now, I’m working with another author who has been publishing Christian devotionals. We’ve both had a similar upbringing and both have had similar struggles in life. He is interested in my perspective and has been bringing on other authors to enrich his writing. I think this will be a beautiful first step towards leaving something tangible of me behind that will positively impact many people’s lives, even people in other parts of the world who I haven’t even met before.
https://youtu.be/8AQPAE2Wxj4
Umalohókan
House of Twin Suns
TM: Carlos Martinez
"You don't have to see the whole staircase just to take the first step."
(Signature links to IP Journal, Apprentice Journal, A.div Journal, and Degree Tracker omitted for brevity — these were forum navigation links at the time.)
The following user(s) said Thank You: RosalynJ
Looking back now: This reflection came from one of the most vulnerable moments in my life — facing mortality after the blood clot. It shifted my focus from fear to legacy, love, and tangible impact through writing. It’s one of the entries that still feels most alive and true to who I am today.